Hospital Internship
Upon applying to Irvine Regional Hospital, I was told there were no spaces for Junior Volunteers. After securing additional recommendations, however, I reapplied and was finally accepted and assigned Front Desk duties, where I delivered flowers, transported biopsy samples to labs, directed visitors, and answered nurse requests. Unfortunately, the hospital was shut down due to lack of funds, and hundreds of workers became unemployed, including me. It was distressing to experience the effects of a declining economy. When Kaiser Permanente opened, my applications were also initially rejected. But by requesting an interview, I proved my qualifications from past experiences and was specially assigned to Medical Surgery instead of the Gift Shop. I answered patients’ requests, administered patient surveys, organized wound documentations, filed records, delivered blood and urine samples, assisted nurses with check-ups, stocked supply carts, updated dietary needs with doctors, and discharged patients safely. (146 words)
Tip #1: Value content (information) over form (poetry).
Space is limited here, so make sure the reader understands what you’ve done and what you’ve learned. Notice how, in the example above, a lot of the content probably came from the first column of the BEABIES: (i.e., “What I did”).
Tip #2: Use active verbs to give a clear sense of what you’ve done.
Check out the active verbs in the essay above: writing, delivering, editing, researching, re-writing, brainstorming, catching, polishing, leading, holding, knowing.
Tip #3: Consider telling us in one good clear sentence what the activity meant to you.
Examples: “I’m the messenger who delivers news from different continents to the doorsteps of my community” and “I write for this joyous process of creation” and “One day I’ll look back, knowing that this is where I began to develop the scrutiny, precision and rigor necessary to become a writer.”
Okay, that’s three sentences. But notice how all three are different. (And if you’re gonna include three, they better be different.)
Tip #4. You can “show” some, but not too much.
Example from the first line: “VIOLENCE IN EGYPT ESCALATES. FINANCIAL CRISIS LEAVES EUROPE IN TURMOIL.”
And later: “Leading a heated after-school brainstorming session, watching my abstract thoughts materialize onscreen, holding the freshly printed articles in my hand…”
The first one grabs our attention; the second paints a clear and dynamic picture. Keep ‘em short!
This essay uses the montage approach and does not name a specific problem. If, however, you’re using the “Elon Musk” structure from above and want to adapt it for the 150-word essay…
Tip #5: Consider starting your essay with the “problem.”
In fact, probably name the problem in the first sentence. Then, in the second sentence, say what you did about it. Why? Word count.
Tip #6: Don’t forget to include specific impact, even if it’s brief.
Read the ending again:
“I helped ease the work of the nurses and doctors, while delivering medicine and smiles to dozens of patients. I may not have directly saved any lives, but I’d like to think I helped.”
Tip #7: Write it long first, then cut it.
Both these students started with 250-300 word statements, then they trimmed ruthlessly. In my experience this tends to be easier than writing a very short version and then trying to figure out what to add.